


It's Always Been You

by yeonbiniez



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Diary/Journal, Emotional Hurt, First Kiss, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, Jealous Choi Yeonjun, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Making Out, Misunderstandings, Soft Choi Soobin, Soft Choi Yeonjun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 16:01:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29653767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yeonbiniez/pseuds/yeonbiniez
Summary: Yeonjun can't help the jealousy settling in his heart watching Soobin so happy with Kai,when the younger would basically push him away everytime despite them dating each other.It made him wonder,did Soobin accept his confession because he's too kind to reject him?
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 3
Kudos: 79





	It's Always Been You

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly,the story is not that angsty,just the summary exaggerating🤣Check out my other fics(i'm a whole lot of a yeonbinist,so beware).There's still a ton of fics i have in my draft🤣Feel free to visit my twitter for mutuals or just for a friend.I'd appreciate it🥺@yeonbiniez on twitter 😆❤️

Yeonjun watched Soobin as the tall leader kept laughing at whatever Kai has been talking about.Don't get him wrong,he loves Kai,hell he's like a real younger brother to him.But he can't help but to feel like his heart is being crumpled when he sees how happy Soobin gets when he's with Kai or even how giggly he becomes whenever Kai would rub his tummy.Is he jealous?Yes.How could he not be when his own boyfriend would dodge every single move he tempted.Whenever he wanted to simply just kiss his cheeks,the taller would move away.They've never even kissed for fuck's sake.

He admits that their relationship is quite new,it's only been like three weeks since he confessed to Soobin about the feelings he's had for him for the past four years.But,before everything else,they're still bestfriends.They practically trained together for years before their debut along with the maknaes.But no matter how much he looks at it,he can't help but to feel hurt when his own boyfriend would avoid his attempts but would laugh so happily when another person rubs his belly.The most Yeonjun got was a hug and it only lasted a mere three seconds.It made him wonder.Did Soobin just accept his confession out of pity?

He pushed the thought to the back of his mind.No way,right?Soobin wouldn't do that to him,right?But the more he thought about it,he can't help to think how possible it could be.Everyone knows how kind and considerate Soobin could be at times,that's what made him the leader in the first place.Maybe the younger felt bad about rejecting him,so he just accepted his confession?The thought simply made the wound in his heart deeper.The fact that Soobin doesn't really like him back,the possibility of the precious bunny-like leader just accepting his confession just because he's too kind to reject him.

Recently,Yeonjun had seen a few posts on weverse about the connection between the leader and their youngest.The fans ship them,adoring how much they tend to stick to each other.They even nicknamed themselves the gums.He felt a pang to his chest when he sees those posts.It made him think and absolutely agree how perfect they would look together as lovers.It made him feel sick.But he still can't get rid of the thought.It's obvious how good looking Kai is even at his young age.Fuck,Hueningkai is literally an angel in human form.He doesn't hesitate to share or help those around him,no matter what situation he's in.  
He'd be perfect for Soobin.

Yeonjun didn't realise when tears started gathering in his eyes.But he quickly wiped them away before they had a chance to fall.He can't help but to feel like he's being stabbed at the heart when he looks at Soobin and Kai happily laughing.Should he just let go?The feelings,all the emotions he had for Soobin for years.Should he just back off?Maybe Soobin and Kai aren't together because of him.Maybe he's the one keeping them apart from becoming much more.It would make Soobin happy right?He'd do anything to make sure Soobin is happy,he loves him too much to blame him for anything.It's Yeonjun's fault to fall for him.But honestly,who wouldn't fall for his kindness,his gentleness despite his height and those adorable dimples?

Yeonjun just stared at them from his seat at the table.He quietly stood up and went to his room,letting the tears gather this time,not bothering to wipe them off anymore.He'll back off.Anything to make Soobin happy.It's okay if he's hurt as long as he can see Soobin's smile.It's okay if he needs to keep these intense feelings to himself from now on.As long as Soobin is happy,it's enough for him.

The following day,he didn't bother to wait for Soobin to have breakfast together as he always does.He left for the company to finish whatever workload that was due.Thankfully today they didn't have any schedule that requires the entire group,pretty much having their own work.He can't deny that he misses the younger already.He's so used to seeing him every morning before work that it feels too empty.But,it also made him realise how painfully clingy and demanding he was.The longer he thought about it,he slowly realised all of his flaws.It finally makes sense why Soobin isn't really attracted to him as much he is to Soobin now.

He's so needy for the younger's affection,greedy to have him to himself.He knows he's handsome,but not as handsome as Kai,not as pretty as Beomgyu.His muscles aren't as defined as Taehyun's.Why did he ever think that Soobin is attracted to him?No,why would Soobin even though of being with him?Soobin deserves so much better than Yeonjun could ever give.He deserves to feel the prettiest and the best.Yeonjun couldn't do that for him.Yeonjun would give him the world if he could but Soobin still deserves someone better.Better than Choi Yeonjun at least.The fact then Soobin didn't even send him a single text just made the possibilities much more convincing.Soobin just accepted his feelings because he's too kind and thoughtful for his own good.

But he doesn't have to pretend to accept Yeonjun anymore.Yeonjun would let him go now.He'll back off and give the chance to others to take care of Soobin,to care for him,to love him.He'll just watch from a far and make sure Soobin feels happy.He'd be glad to watch the moment Soobin falls in love with someone.Seeing the younger's happiness is enough for him.It's gonna be okay.He can't help but to imagine how happy Soobin would be when the gets married to the one he loves one day.The thought hurts him as much as it makes him happy but he knows what's the better decision to make.  
It's time to let go and watch him from a far.  
He'll wish and pray for Soobin's happiness as the good older brother he should've been all this time.

That day,he just came across the younger a few times but he didn't bother to cling onto him or attempt to kiss his cheeks.They simply greeted each other and continued their respective schedules.Soobin smiled so cutely,showcasing his adorable dimples.It made Yeonjun feel slightly better even if it hurts that he had to physically stop himself from touching the younger.But Soobin looks happy as usual and Yeonjun is convinced that his decision is indeed the right one to make.Even the next day,when they had the usual group practise,he didn't attempt to lie down anywhere near the taller.

If before he would even lie down on the younger's tummy despite his complaints,now he would just monitor their practise from the tablet or take a seat against the wall.It went on like this for days.He would physically refrain himself from even going anywhere near younger and occupy himself with whatever that isn't a Choi Soobin.He didn't pay any mind to the pang to his chest or the longing to just be near the taller.He ignored the yearn to attempt anything to get the taller's attention.It's okay he tells himself.But if tears flow down his cheeks every night before he sleeps,nobody would know.

He'll just wait until the moment their relationship crumbles down,it would be easier that way.

Now it's almost a week since he last attempted to be near the taller.He just stopped trying.The pain and longing only got stronger by day,but he can cope with it.He still has small and short conversations with their Soobin,he's their leader after all.But he no longer clings to him like he had done for the past years.He kept his hands to himself.It physically hurts that he didn't even touch even a little bit of the younger's soft skin he's addicted to.When the urge gets impossibly stronger,he'd search up Sookai moments to reason with himself that Soobin indeed deserves better than him.Even if most of the time it would end up with him tearing up because of the pain in his chest,he still managed to push the urge away for the time being.

He even started to write a diary in order to control his feelings.He had never once wrote a diary all his life but if this in the only way for him to cope,he'll do it.He wrote every single part of Soobin that he loves.From his adorable dimples to his kind heart.Of course he wrote about the pain he feels too.The jealousy and hurt he feels when Soobin would dodge his kisses,the pain when he concludes that Soobin never did and never would return his feelings.He wrote and cried about it.It would seem weak of him to cry about it but he can't help it.He just loves Soobin too much.

•

Soobin closed the door,a package in hand.It was a rare day off for them,he decided to just stay home while the others do their own thing.Earlier he had wanted to spend the day watching a movie with his Yeonjun hyung but the older had left that morning saying he wanted to choreograph something at the company.So of course he didn't hold him back and bid him goodbye.Truthfully he's been feeling weird recently.Even the younger members noticed and had talked to him about it.Yeonjun hadn't cling on to him for days,didn't even attempt any air kisses the past week.

It feels weird and empty at the same time.But he concluded maybe the upcoming comeback exhausted the older so he didn't really said anything about it.The package was sent under Yeonjun's name so the older maybe had bought new clothes or something online.Soobin entered the older's room,placing the small package on the bedside table.He was just gonna get out and continue the movie when he saw it.A book under the pillow.He knows he shouldn't invade Yeonjun's privacy but eventually curiosity got the best of him.He took the book and opened the first page.It's blank except for one sentence at the center

'Choi Soobin'

Soobin got even more curious as to why his name was on the first page.If before he originally wanted to only read the first page,now he definitely wants to continue reading.He didn't hesitate to turn to the next page.He couldn't help the blush spreading accross his cheeks as he read the page.How could he not when Yeonjun basically wrote the few pages just talking about him.His dimples,his eyes,his lips,basically even the smallest things like the softness of his skin.He just continued reading as if he wasn't beet red.But his smile fell as he read the seventh page.

'But Soobin doesn't really see me the way I see him'

What the fuck?He frowned as he continued reading.His frown deepened as he read further into the book.What does Yeonjun mean when he wrote Soobin doesn't return his feelings?Hell he's like head over heels for the older.He kept reading.The longer he read he continued to feel shocked.Kai?Soobin has feelings for Kai?What nonsense did Yeonjun write?He felt tears welling in his eyes as he read what Yeonjun wrote about himself.Yeonjun isn't good enough?For fuck's sake,Yeonjun is hot as fuck,handsome and pretty all of the time in his eyes.Why did Yeonjun see himself like this?All of the things he read in the book (expect the ones about himself) is just nonsense,a whole fucking lie!

Soobin sees Kai as a baby!Heck,he himself feels disgusted imagining himself with someone who's like a brother to him.Eww what the fuck?He continued reading until that one part.Tears started running down his cheeks.

'Soobin deserves much better than me.Why would he even want someone like me?I'm so selfish and needy,he must've felt suffocated all this time when I tried to kiss his cheek or pull at his skin.Fuck Choi Yeonjun why are you so stupid?Soobin clearly deserves someone who's much more good looking than you,someone who has a nicer figure and personality than you.It's clear from the start,why did you ever think you think you deserve Choi Soobin?Give up,you fucker.Let him go and let him fall in love.Don't let him be stuck with someone like you.Maybe one day you'll help him dress up pretty for dates with his partner?It's okay if it hurts as long as it makes Soobin happy.Choi Soobin,I love you so much.I love you so much that I get greedy to have you to myself even when I know I never deserved you.I love you so much that I'll let you go and watch you from a far.Seeing you happy is already enough for me,don't worry about hyung.Just keep smiling,okay?I love you so much Soobinnie.Thank you for making me happy even if it's just for a while.'

"No,no,fuck no",Soobin scrambled to get up,placing the book on the bedside table before running out of the dorm.Fuck,he can't bear to lose Yeonjun,especially not like this.No way in hell is he letting Yeonjun go just from a misunderstanding.As soon as he arrived at the building,he ran to the practise room.He practically slammed the door open,surprising the older who's drenched in sweat from all the dancing.

"Soobin?What's wro-",

"How could you say all that about yourself?How could you say that I look better with Kai when I see him as a brother?You're the most attractive person I've ever met in my life for fuck's sake.If I gave you my eyes,would you believe me?Just how hyung?I'm freaking head over heels for you,how could you say that I don't return your feelings?",

Yeonjun's eyes widened at the younger's sudden outburst.Soobin panted from all the running as tears started gathering in his eyes.Just how the hell did Yeonjun think of all that nonsense?

"D-Did you read the book?",

"Of course I did.Now why and how did you ever think that way?Fuck even the fans know how much I like you!",

Tears started streaming down his cheeks as he clenched his fists.Never once breaking eye contact with the older,his precious hyung.Yeonjun didn't dare to look at the younger at the eye,opting to stare at the floor.

"But it's true.....you really do look better with someone else.Someone bright like Kai is the best for you or even someone handsome like Beomgyu.There's many other people that can treat you better than me.I don't-",

"Bullshit!Hyung....when we were trainees,who's the person that carried me home when I was too tired?Who was the person that made sure I ate all my meals?Who tucked me in bed when I fell asleep in the living room?Until now,who was the person that always,always makes sure that I don't have to carry the burden of a leader alone?",

Soobin stepped closer to the older,tears still running down his cheeks as he held the older's hands.Yeonjun finally looked up,met with the younger's teary eyes.

"It's you,hyung.It's always been you.Yea,maybe Kai makes me laugh,Beomgyu plays games with me,Taehyun helps me a lot with my worries.But hyung,you make me feel loved.You've always took care of me,helped me a lot during out trainee days.I pushed you away sometimes because....I'm scared",

This made Yeonjun frown.He has a lot of questions bubbling inside but he lets Soobin finish first,wanting to hear all of it before making any assumptions.

"I'm scared because....I like you so much,when I like someone I'll become clingy,I'm be hanging off of you all of the time.I didn't want to be too needy..",  
This made Yeonjun gape.What...the heck?It didn't seem like too much ofa problem.Hell,Yeonjun practically lives off of affection.

"What...do you mean?",

Soobin huffed.The tears have stopped by now,yet his cheeks are rosy as he pouted.  
"I mean,I'm just scared you'd be tired of me consistently wanting your attention and all that.So that's why....I sometimes push you away.Plus!You always want to kiss me when there's a camera!",

Now it's Soobin's turn to shy away,looking everywhere but Yeonjun.His cheeks now tinted red as he huffed in embarrassment.Yeonjun blinked a few times.What....Damn,you're really stupid huh Choi Yeonjun?Just how did he forget the fact that Choi Soobin is just the most bashful person he had ever met!?Now it makes sense why Soobin would push him away all this time,much more after he confessed.It's because he was shy!

Yeonjun didn't realise he's been smiling to himself,making Soobin tug at his hands.God,Soobin is just so pretty when he's blushing it hurts.

"Next time,please talk to me about these things hyung.Don't you ever think you're not enough,hell I'm gonna burn that book after this.It's full of crap,hyung",

Soobin grimaced as he remembered about the book,making a mental note to indeed,burn or throw it somewhere where it wouldn't be seen again.

"I'm sorry for doubting you.Stress really took a toll on me",

Yeonjun laughed bitterly at the not-so-fond memory of even believing all those ship videos of the other members and his Soobin.

"Sheeshh hyung.It's okay.We needed this for us to understand each other better",

Soobin held his hands,smiling widely, dimples in all their glory.One day,those set of dimples could possibly kill Yeonjun,he's sure of it.The older simply nodded, agreeing with what Soobin said.Well,now he knows that Soobin is just shy,not that he hates the physical affection.Wait...if he's just shy....Yeonjun smiled mischievously as he walked forward.His lips curling into his signature smirk.Almost immediately,Soobin backed off,blushing furiously.

"H-Hyung..what..",

When Yeonjun stepped forward,Soobin would take one step back.He gasped when his back was met with the wall,Yeonjun's arms caging him between the wall and the older.He swallowed,words dying in his throat when he's cornered unexpectedly like this.Being cornered is one thing,but being cornered by his hyung just made it worse.How could he not splutter when Yeonjun looks at him like...that.That confident and smug facade he has usually when he's performing or when he's determined to get what he wants.

"What's wrong Soobinnie?",

Yeonjun leaned closer,their chests almost touching,making Soobin hold his breath as he stared back at the older.Once again,Yeonjun is mesmerized.Being so up close with Soobin the way he wanted all this time made him realise yet again how pretty and handsome the taller is.Fuck,how could someone not fall for Choi Soobin?Yeonjun watched as his lashes fluttered,cheeks still bright red.He saw the way Soobin's gaze fell to his lips.His own eyes also fell to Soobin's slightly thinner but pink lips.He inched closer,their foreheads now touching.

Once he made sure they're thinking of the same thing,he leaned closer.The last thing he saw being Soobin's long lashes.Their lips met in a soft kiss.Just a simple touch,testing the waters.As they parted,both of them smiled,happy to finally share a kiss.Yeonjun leaned in again,hands coming down to wrap around the taller's tiny waist.Soobin rested his hands on Yeonjun's shoulders as they kissed again,one after another.Fuck,now that they've finally had a taste,they can't help but to crave more of each other's sweetness.

Yeonjun pulled him closer,their chests flushed as the older angled his head,deepening the kiss.Soobin wrapped his arms around his neck,sighing into his mouth.Yeonjun gently nibbled at his lips,silently asking the younger to part his lips.Soobin obliged,letting his hyung have all of him.Yeonjun slipped his tounge inside his mouth,rubbing it against Soobin's.The younger moaned as Yeonjun started sucking on his tounge,whimpers slipping past his parted lips.

"H-Hyung-",

Yeonjun slipped a hand under the other's shirt,caressing Soobin's warm skin.The sudden contact made the younger pull back,gasping.He rested his head on the older's shoulder as he caught his breath.Yeonjun just held him,caressing his waist under the fabric.

"Wow",

"Wow indeed",

Both of them laughed.Soobin pulled back,smiling bashfully as he met Yeonjun's gaze.Arms still around the older's neck.Yeonjun playfully rubbed their noses together,making them giggle.He can't help the giddy feeling in his chest,he feels so light and happy he couldn't help but embrace the taller in his arms.The older nuzzled into Soobin's neck happily.

"You taste good",

"Hyung!",

Soobin playfully hit his back before covering his face with both his hands,getting shy wuth how straightforward Yeonjun is.Yup,his hyung,his handsome shameless hyung that he loves so dearly.His Yeonjunnie hyung.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed it!Feel free to check out my other fics too!Do comment on you feel about this,i'd really appreciate it🥺❤️
> 
> My twitter link>3<  
> https://twitter.com/yeonbiniez?s=08


End file.
